In anticipation of Episode 57, in which we’ll discuss the Indiana Jones series, we’ve compiled our Top 5 Minor Indiana Jones Characters. When we say minor, we mean minor—not Sallah or Marcus, we’re talking about the people who support the supporting characters such as–

5. The Librarian Who Thinks His Stamp is Magical

One of the highlights of The Last Crusade is a comic interlude involving a librarian simultaneously stamping books as Indy smashes through a, probably priceless, ancient mosaic floor. Most librarians can hear a teenager whispering, or opening an unauthorized beverage from a mile away, but for some reason this guy doesn’t notice the flagrant vandalism occurring right under his nose. He then uses inductive reasoning to conclude that his small rubber stamp is responsible for the loud metal clanging sound echoing through the room. We love that guy.

4. The Monkey

Perhaps the most diabolical character in the franchise is The Monkey from Raiders of the Lost Ark. He initially befriends Marion and Indy, only to be revealed to be a spy for that guy with the eye patch, who works with Belloq or something. The Monkey starts out a loveable animal sidekick (like Toto) then turns into something more sinister (like the band Toto). He is so evil that he even gives a Nazi salute at one point (and Thora Birch thought she had Monkey Trouble, at least her monkey wasn’t a damn Nazi).

3. Sacrifice Guy

There’s no one in the Indiana Jones films who we sympathize with more than this guy—the poor schlub in The Temple of Doom who has his heart ripped out of his chest to both sacrifice his life to the gods and instill terror in every child who grew up in the ‘80s. Anyone who’s been through a break-up knows how this guy feels… also anyone who watched Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

2. Hitler

Okay, so he’s not the “best” character, in fact, he’s downright evil. However, there’s no denying he’s one of the most significant cameos of the series, even Indiana Jones seemed a little starstruck—so much so that Indy doesn’t even consider shooting the megalomaniacal dictator who’s standing like 6 inches away. Seriously, think about the future Dr. Jones! Stopping the Nazis from getting the Holy Grail is one thing, shooting their leader in the head unexpectedly is quite another.

1. Sword Fighting Man

Maybe the scene that best defines Indiana Jones as a character: after a skilled swordsman demonstrates his skills, Indy casually unholsters his gun and shoots him in a very unsportsmanlike manner. Famously, there was supposed to be an elaborately choreographed sword fight scene, but in yet another case of laziness begetting artistic brilliance, Harrison Ford suggested that Indy should just shoot the guy instead, thus creating cinematic history, but also robbing the poor actor of several minutes of screen time.

HONOURABLE MENTIONS

The Knight from The Last Crusade

 

 

 

 

“He chose wisely, act a little more excited!”

Shortround from The Temple of Doom

 

 

 

 

“Indy, people are starting to talk about how much time you’re spending with your little friend…”

Everyone in Marion’s bar from Raiders of the Lost Ark

 

 

 

 

“They should make some kind of Cheers-type sitcom about these guys.”